How to get a date and make it perfect
by Laguna-Chan
Summary: My second fic! FF cross over with the Heros of 7,8,10,102, and Derge of Cerburus. The title say it all. Lets just say, Cloud gets some dating advice. Let the pillow swinging and the food throwing insue!
1. Start of the problem:Pool party

How to get a date and make it perfect.

It was just one of those days that you wish you never have. One of those days when things starts out right but then only lead to chaos. It was definitely one of those days for Cloud. It all started with an innocent party amongst a group of friends, namely Cloud's friends. Unfortunately, these guys were, shall we say, unconventional? They weren't troublemakers, well, not REALLY but of course they had the tendency of getting into a little mischief every now and then like all normal - teenage - boys do. Then again, his group of friends were ANY thing but normal.

Cloud mused silently over this as he evaluated his comrades. First there was Vincent who sat silently near the edge of the pool in Cloud's backyard, taking up the sun. He was always silent and always kept to himself. He was Cloud's oldest friend in both meanings of the word. Despite his boyish features he was actually seven years older than himself at the age of twenty-seven. His long raven black hair was braided and limply hanging over the pale skin of his shoulder as his ruby, blood-red eyes gleamed in the sunlight reflecting the dazzling display from the water. Come to think of it, he is always pale. The guy never seemed to darken no matter how much sun he takes in. None of his friends were skinny or fat but well toned through sports and vigorous martial arts training and it defiantly showed.

Then splashing around in said pool making a commotion as usual, were the two look a likes that weren't anywhere near being related, Tidus and Shuyin. Where Vincent was cool, calculating, stoic, quick witted, and stern; these two were by far- how could he put this gently- insane. Shuyin was the third oldest of the group at nineteen and was _defiantly_ crazy. He was rough, tough, and proud with an ego that could rival a whale in size. His brazen manner often scares people away from him even when he doesn't mean it to. Everyone but his girlfriend, that is. Lenne was cool like that though. She was the type of girl who liked everyone.

As for Tidus, he was the youngest of the group at seventeen and it was painfully obvious. Not only was this boy loud but he was also hyper, energetic, always happy, and always- and I mean _always_- hungry! Not to mention the boy was an incredible athlete. That showed too. These two were hardly ever apart and it's because of this that they are often mistaken for twins. Not hard to believe either with their blue eyes and spiky blond hair. Only difference is that Shu's hair is a little longer plus he looks older too if only by a bit. He's taller too. And boy did they like to argue a lot.

Then there was the last member of the group who rivals the silent Vincent and Squall Leonheart. Now Squall was really a hard person to figure out because he was, at best, expressionless, emotionless, and distant. He and Vince where the silent ones of the group and only spoke every so often, unless of course it was just the five of them together with no one else around. Sometimes it was hard to tell the boy was even eighteen because of the way he acted. Despite his anti-social attitude, Squall was definitely a "chick magnet" as Tidus put it, with his chocolate brown hair and stormy grey-blue eyes. There was only one flaw with his looks, which took the form of a scar that trailed across his face that he got from an accident when he was younger. They never got to know how he got it because he never wanted to tell and so it was left alone. After all, what kind of friends would they be if they kept pushing such a sensitive issue?

Squall was currently sitting by Vincent rubbing more sunscreen onto his arms, eyeing the two psycho blondes trying to drown each other. Cloud wondered how he came to be friends with them when their personalities seemed to clash so much. He was himself aloof, shy, a little arrogant, and above all else confused. He had suffered from a mental illness when he was younger, an Identity Crisis Syndrome they had called it. For a long time, he didn't even know who the hell he really was. That was a really big problem for him having only been thirteen at the time. What's worse was that it lasted until he was at least seventeen. By the time he had begun to recover, he had already become friends with Vince, Shu, Squall, and Tidus. They all came together to save one another from themselves was what Vincent had said a few years ago and it would seem that he was right.

Cloud smiled to himself and decided to join the others at the pool, carrying the tray of ice-cold lemonade and cups to share amongst them. After they took their cups and said their thanks, everyone settled down to enjoy their juice. The drink was cool and refreshing, especially on a hot summer's day. However, the quiet moment didn't last very long.

" Hey Cloud, why dontcha have a girlfriend yet?"

He nearly spat out his drink.

" Tidus! Are trying to kill him?"

Tidus looked at Shuyin and the sputtering Cloud apologetically, a little surprised.

" Sorry man didn't mean to make ya choke. I was just curious."

" S' ok. Don't worry about it, I'll live."

Shuyin looked thoughtful for a minute and then, turning to Cloud, said,

" Come to think of it, why don't you have a girlfriend? I have one, Tidus has one, and hell- even _Squall_ has one!"

Squall shot him a haughty glare for that comment.

" And what is that suppose to mean?"

Shu glanced at him and smiled cheekily.

" I meant no offence, man, just playin'." Then he seemed to consider. " Even though I would think the whole Ice-Prince act would scare Rinoa off."

Squall simply huffed his annoyance and continued to sip his drink.

" Actually I don't think Vince has a girl friend either…."

Tidus trailed off thoughtfully, ignoring the piercing stare Vincent bore into him. Cloud remained quiet for a moment before speaking.

" Umm…actually, I think…that is…um…I thought that you and Tifa…."

This time, it was Tidus and Shuyin's turn to spit their drinks everywhere.

" What! Tifa! That's crazy! Are you serious? Whoa, what a catch! She's such a babe. Wow, Tifa hmmm? Aw, Vince, I actually _envy_ you for once."

Vincent remained quiet as usual, his stare turned glare settling on the loud mouth blond, a tint of pink on his smooth cheeks.

"You know Vince, Shu is right. I mean come on, its _Tifa_! She's like only one of the most hottest girls around!" Tidus enthused.

Squall and Cloud simply continued to watch quietly as their friend was the main attraction for the moment. Yes, it was true. Cloud was the only member of his small group of friends with out a significant other. Vincent had Tifa- a child hood friend of theirs, Squall had Rinoa who was a decent girl if you could get over the bubble headedness, Shuyin had Lenne, and Tidus had Yuna who was a quiet girl who always got A's on her report cards. But Cloud was just so shy- too shy- for his own good. And what was worse was the fact that his friends new it too.

Then an evil, mischievous grin appeared on Shuyin's handsome face. Everyone simply stared at him, blinking stupidly. They all new what that look meant and they weren't sure if they were ready for yet another one of Shu's hair-brained ideas.

" Hey Cloud, you don't have a girlfriend because your too shy to talk to girls, right" Ouch, hit the nail on the head there. " So what if _I_ did the talking for you?"

Cloud's head shot up and his eyes widened with fear.

"NO!"

Shu laughed at his friend's actions as if he were a clown.

" Chill out, man, just a simple suggestion."

" Shuyin, _I_ would be scared to have you go girl shopping for me."

Shuyin narrowed his eyes at Squall's snide comment and stalked towards him on his hands and knees like a predatory animal would stalk its prey. When their faces were only inches apart, he replied,

" Are you sayin' I choose bad women?"

" No. I'm saying you choose _scary_ women. There's a difference."

A snicker arose from Cloud and Tidus burst into a fit of laughter as Shuyin pounced onto Squall and after a brief on-land scuffle, toppled over into the pool with a big splash. Vincent simply shook his head at the pair unable, however, to rid himself of the smirk that had crept onto his face. As the two continued their water battle, Tidus had finally managed to calm himself and looked at his two friends.

" Shall we join them? It'll be fun and besides, you two look really hot."

He eyed their sweaty bodies pointedly and then stood and walked over to the edge of the pool. Cloud and Vincent decided that a dip _would_ be nice and so they too walked to join their companion only for Cloud to give Tidus a playful shove that sent him head over heels into the crisp, cool water.

" Ahhhh! Cloud, you fiend! No warrior would attack his opponent when his back is turned, you ruffian! You villainous evildoer! I'll have my revenge! Do you hear me? Revenge!" He raved.

Cloud chuckled innocently as Shuyin and Squall decided to go after the newest plaything that fell into the pool and began to chase Tidus around it. It wasn't long before all five were enjoying themselves completely, temporarily forgetting the very issue that started all of the commotion.


	2. Cold nights and pillow fights

That night the boys had a sleep over at Cloud's house, eating popcorn and pizza, sharing jokes, watching supernatural/ Sci-fi/ thriller movies, and sharing ghost stories. Soon they were too tired out to stay up any longer and decided to go to bed.

" Hey you guys, help move the mattresses out here would you? And someone grab the blankets, sheets, and pillows!" Cloud called to his companions. He, Shuyin, and Vincent dragged the futons out of the bedrooms and lined them up on the living room floor side by side while Squall and Tidus gathered the bedding. Soon after the beds were made, they settled down to sleep with Vincent on the edge to Clouds right and to his left were Tidus, Squall, and then Shu on the opposite edge of the mattress. Any hope they had had of falling asleep quickly was soon ruined however because of course, boys will be boys.

" Yo Cloud, it's cold in here man!"

" Tidus, your _always_ cold!"

Tidus pouted at Shuyin and then turned towards Cloud again.

" Can I go get some firewood or something?"

Squall snickered slightly, " Tidus, you cant burn wood in a house that doesn't have a fireplace."

" I know that! I was just tryin' to make a point, jeez! You guys act like I'm retarded or something."

" Oh! You mean your not?" Shuyin asked only to get a face full of pillow.

Vincent sat up to prevent any further conflict.

" Hey you two knock it off!"

" Fine…." Tidus grumbled to himself as he settled in between the sheets. During the process, however, his foot came into contact with Squall's leg.

" AHHH! Tidus, your feet are freezing! Get them off of me!"

" Ha! Serves you right Mister Mosty-Toasty! Now gimme some o' those blankets!"

" No way, these are mine! Leggo before I brain ya, Ti, I'm serious!"

" But _Squallllll_, I'm _coooooold_!" Tidus whined pitifully.

Vincent shook his head mournfully and said,

" Cloud can I turn on your heater?"

Cloud look about sheepishly before he said,

" Uh, actually, my heater is broken. I've been meaning to get it fixed but…."

Tidus groaned in exasperation.

" Aww, come on. You mean no heat? At all?"

Shuyin rolled his eyes and said,

" That's what _blankets _are for Blondie. And besides, knowing you, we'd probably end up fried by the time you were warm enough to turn the damn thing off!"

" Hey! For your information, I'm not the only blond one here bucko and I'll have you know that you can't fry when the heater is on long enough to warm the house up a little."

He said defensively. Shu was ready with a come back as usual.

" You can if the frickin' thing is on 130 degrees!"

" I never put the heater on that high!"

" Yes you did."

" Did not!"

" Felt like it."

" See! I didn't. And besides the point it was freezing!"

" That's because you left the window open all night, stupid ass!"

That was the last straw. With a furious cry, Tidus leapt onto Shuyin and it was a wrap. Before they knew it, Squall had gotten Tidus's foot in his face, Vincent had been knocked clear off the bed by a rouge pillow (compliments of Shuyin), and poor Cloud was caught in the middle of all the commotion, or more specifically, a ferocious cat fight between two mentally insane blonds. Even worse was that Vince and Squall had been biffed in the process and if there is one thing you never, ever want to do, its get those two involved in a fight. In a flash, Vincent was up on his feet and leaping into the fray while Squall joined with savage abandon, tackling Tidus on the mat. Before long, all you could see was a raging mass of bedding, pillows, arms, and legs as the boys battled it out. Even Cloud had been riled up do to his "self-defense mode" kicking in. He wildly swung his pillow, catching his mark square in Tidus's face as he toppled backward with a muffled yelp. Squall dealt Shuyin a decent smack to the back of his head sending him forward just as Vincent swung at him from in front. Unfortunately, the projectile didn't meet its intended mark and instead it was Squall who found himself with a mouth full of cushion. He was propelled backward and did a complete flip over Cloud's back who happened to be there at the time, having just dodged an attack from Tidus.

" Hey, what the hell! Your _suppose_ to be on _my_ side Vince, you traitor!"

Vincent laughed apologetically at him and ducked to avoid one of Shu's attacks.

" Sorry Squall, but you made me miss my mark."

" YAAAARRRRR! I GOTCHA NOW!"

Neither of them had time to think further as Shuyin dived headlong into them, bowling them over and beating them with pillows mercilessly. Tidus avoided Cloud's blow and had just caught what happened. He hoisted a pillow and aimed at his friend's head.

" Hey, you! Gerrof' of em!"

And stupidly, Shuyin turned towards him. Only to see a blue, soft, and fluffy missile meet him square between the eyes. Within seconds, Vincent and Squall were up and, with wild war cries, flung themselves at whatever poor unfortunate who just so happened to be there. With in minutes, what was suppose to be a friendly pillow fight turned into a feeble fight to the death as the boys continued to biff, whack, smack, beat, smother, smoosh, squish, pommel, and impale each other with pillows along with the occasional back hand, scratch, pinch, poke, bite, punch, and kick from their flailing limbs.

Tidus: " YAAAAH! I'm gonna beat ya so red, people are gonna take ya for an Umpa-Lumpa!"

Shuyin: " EERRRR! Umpa-Lumpas aren't red you stupid blond! They're ORANGE!"

Tidus: " STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

Vincent: " If _BOTH_ of you don't shut up, _I'M_ gonna beat ya till your black an blue!"

Squall: " HIIIIYAAA! Take that Vincent! That's for your poor aim! Pay backs a bitch isn't it!"

Cloud: " AHHHH! That's it! You guys quiet down! Were going to wake the neighbors! Tidus! Stop hitting me!"

Vincent: " Haha, Squall, you missed!"

Shuyin: " Neighbors-Smaghbors, they'll get over it! AHHHHH! That was a cheap shot Squall! All right, its over for you guys. Its time to DIEEEEEE!"

Squall: " Sorry! Vincent made me miss!"

Cloud: " Shuyin! Quiet down please!"

Shuyin: " Eat pillow Cloud!"

Cloud: " OWWW! Why is everyone hitting me? What the hell did _I _do?"

Tidus: " Death to Blonds!"

Cloud: " You guys! Shhhhh!"

Shuyin: " Hey retard you're a blond too."

Vincent: " Getting a little outta hand are we?"

Cloud: " Quiet down!"

Tidus: " GOD DAMMIT I'M NOT RETARDED!"

Cloud: " For heaven sake-"

Shuyin: " Gang up on Tidus!"

Squall:" AHHHHHHHHH! Someone just grabbed my ass!"

Tidus: " Oooooohh."

Shuyin: " Oh baby."

Squall: " Stop it! You bunch of sickos!"

Cloud: " You guys- HEY! Watch were you put that!"

Vincent: " Oops! My bad Cloud! Sorry- DAMMIT WHO THE FUCK IS HITTING ME?"

Squall: " Shu! Get your foot otta my face!"

Tidus: " GOOD GOD someone's pulling down my pants!"

Shuyin: " I didn't mean to!"

Tidus: " AHHHH! Rape!"

Squall: " HELP, I'M BEING MOLESTED!"

Cloud: " WILL _EVERYONE_ SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY? I DON'T WANT TO GET ARRESTED FOR DESTERBING THE PEACE!"

Vincent: " Cloud-"

Cloud: " AND WHO EVER IS MOLESTING AND RAPING EVERYONE HAD BETTER STOP BEFOR I GET TO WOOPIN' ON _ALL_ OF YA!"

Squall: " Cloud, I think-"

Cloud: " DON'T MAKE ME OPEN UP A CAN OF _WOOP ASS_ ON YA!"

Vincent: " CLOUD! OK! Calm down!"

He had been so wrapped up in this whole crazy situation, that Cloud hadn't even noticed that everyone had ceased all activity when he had started yelling. Everything was quiet save for their labored breathing, the sound of late night cars on the highway, and the occasional bark of the neighbor's dog. They were actually quite a funny sight to behold for they were sprawled out all over the place, a jumbled, tangled mess of limbs, sheets, blankets, and pillows. After several minutes of catching their breath, their heartbeats seemed to return to normal.

" Hey, Cloud, could you open a window or somethin'? It's like an oven in here! I'm rostin!"

Vincent chuckled silently, still out of breath.

" That's because we almost killed each other."

Squall looked indignant at his remark and scowled,

" Killed? Shuyin practically _RAPED_ all of us!"

" Hey, that wasn't my fault! It was dark and I couldn't see anything! How was I suppose to know that I was grabbing what wasn't meant to be grabbed?"

Tidus laughed at the halfhearted argument and yawned. He was so tired. Everyone soon began to drop off to sleep, too tired to untangle themselves from one another.

" Good night Cloud."

"Night Ti."

" Night everyone."

" Good night Vince."

" Night Squall."

" Zzzzzz."

" Sleep tight Shu."

"…snore…"


	3. Aerith

It was around about noon the next day when the problem of finding a girlfriend was brought up again. Except this time it wasn't going to be dropt. Why? Because it just so happened that they ran into Cloud's long time crush and friend Aerith at the arcade that day which was completely unexpected for him. She was a pretty little thing too with long brown hair that she kept up in a twisted ponytail and bright blue eyes that always seemed to twinkle. She liked to laugh and make people happy, which she did with ease. She was the type of girl who always helped the needy and asked nothing in return. She even volunteered her free time to help at the elderly homes. Today however, she had the day off.

It was during their two hours together of talking and game playing that it slowly began to dawn on them that this was the girl that had caught Cloud's interest. No wonder he was so shy and single. Aerith was an amazing person really. A grade A student and a miracle achiever with a heart of gold. Cloud's attraction was understandable but with Aerith's kind of schedule, it would be hard to be in a real relationship with her. Cloud, they realized, probably already new that. 'Well' Shuyin thought, ' this is where we come in.'

Later, after saying their goodbyes to Aerith, they headed down town to their favorite hangout- the pizza parlor. After placing their order with the waitress, Shu decided to address the situation.

" Oh yeah, hey Cloud?"

Cloud looked over at him casually, twirling his straw around in his cup of coca-cola lazily.

" Yeah?"

" Well, I couldn't help but notice that you seem to have a little crush on our fair princess, Aerith."

Cloud looked like he was going to die. Die right there and then on the floor of the pizza parlor. At least that's what he felt like doing. Everyone was looking at him now and he could feel the flames in his cheeks which he knew could only be a furious blush of red. Of course, leave it to Shuyin to spread his dearly kept secret of three years. He gulped and tried to think of a way to get himself out of his current predicament.

" So…." Was all that came out and it sounded small and quiet.

" Ah! So its true." Cloud suddenly felt irritated with the interrogation.

" Yeah, and?" He asked, a little miffed. The others could see that Cloud was getting peeved and so Vincent decided to take the conversation down a different road.

" Well, she's a good choice; for many different reasons, really. You should talk to her more often."

" Yeah Cloud, she really seems to like you."

Cloud couldn't help but blush more at Tidus's words. Aerith like _him_? No way. Absolutely not. It was impossible.

" Actually, I thought I noticed something of the nature in the way you two are when you are around one another. I've wondered for a long time, but never went deeper then that."

He looked up at Vincent a little surprised. Vincent had known? Well that wasn't really shocking sense Vincent was a very observing person and there was little the tall brunet missed. Cloud sighed and nodded, approving that he had indeed quite a nice little crush on his classmate.

" Hmmm. Just as I thought. Well, if you want to ask her out, you could always take her to the summer dance before summer vacation starts."

Cloud looked at him incredulously.

" What? Ask Aerith out? Like on a date? I can't do that! What will she think? Me of all people asking out the kindest, most popular girl at school? She'd turn me down flat!"

Shuyin and Tidus laughed at their spiky haired friend in amusement. He was so shy and too modest to admit that he did have his own attractiveness to him. The girls found Cloud very appealing but the blond was so naïve and inexperienced that he couldn't tell if a girl was hitting on him even if she came and kicked him in the shin.

" Oh please. Give yourself more credit Cloud! You're just as kind and gentle as she is. Hell you're practically a male equivalent of her." Shuyin said.

" Yeah, and she really seems to like you. A lot. So just give it a try."

" Tidus is right Cloud. You'll never know unless you give it a try."

Cloud found himself looking at his friends dejectedly, knowing that they were right. How embarrassing! Love advice from boys younger than he was! Well, at least Vincent was older, so that was ok. And of course, Squall had remained quiet the entire time, nibbling away at his slice of pepperoni pizza. Wait-

" Hey when did you get that?"

Squall chewed casually, a bored look on his face and cast Tidus a sidelong glance.

" The waitress came by while you guys were busy immerging your selves in Cloud's love life." He said flatly.

Shu snickered.

" Love life? What love life? That's the issue that we're trying to address, no thanks to you."

" Its not my place to poke my nose in other peoples business, smart ass."

" Well, as Cloud's friends, we should help him when he's down, should we not?"

Squall cast him a sidelong glance and regarded him grudgingly.

" Fine but no funny business. And if you end up embarrassing the hell out of Cloud, don't come running to me when he kicks your sorry ass."

Shuyin faked a hurt look and placed a hand to his chest in mock shock at Squall's "hurtful" words. Everyone else shook their heads disapprovingly but settled into their food instead of kicking up another argument and cause a scene in public. There was always another time and place for that. Namely, Cloud's house.

It was ten thirty and the boys were still up trying to come up with a plan to get Cloud the girl of his dreams. It was fortunate that he wasn't amongst them at that moment for he was in the shower as his friends discussed numerous tactics about how to go about the situation. Some of the ideas were far better then others but they never seemed to be very realistic. That was their current problem and they racked their brains for the solution that seemed to evade them over and over again. It was a little frustrating but after awhile, Tidus came up with an answer to their dilemma. That night as they all fell asleep with out a repeat of the night before, they all thought about how they were going to put their plan into motion.


	4. Confrontations&Delemas

The next day found Cloud wishing that he hadn't gotten out of bed. How he ended up in this position was beyond him and to be honest, he was more then a little scared.

" Okay Cloud, now the key to catching a girls interest is to be straight forward. Go up to her and say 'Hi, your hot. Wanna go out?' and she'll be all yours. But be calm and play it cool or she'll think you're a pitiful loser, all right? Chicks don't dig that. So be suave but not too romantic or mushy. Girls hate it when guys are sappy. Okay? Okay!"

Cloud nodded numbly at his friend's mindless chatter. _Okay, this is going to be interesting…. _He thought.

It was early Friday and by the time the clock struck 3:30, Shuyin had grabbed Cloud and dragged him out of class (one of the random classes in Garden) and down to the courtyard where the girls were having tennis practice. He gulped nervously as Shu turned back to him with a confident smile.

" Okay, this is it. Are you ready?"

_I'm gonna die…._ Cloud thought. He was about to respond when Shuyin grabbed his arm and pushed him towards the court, cutting him off.

" If not then too bad! Get going! Go on, what are you waiting for? An invitation? Go! Shoo! Beat it, already! Get lost! Get outta here! Go talk to her!"

" Okay! Okay! I'm a goin'! I'm a goin'! Sheesh!"

Cloud shook his head in total frustration at his friend's out burst. Then again, this wasn't unusual behavior for him.

Then bright blue eyes were staring up at him. He jumped slightly startled. When did Aerith get there? Well, it was now or never.

" Hi Cloud. What are you doing here?"

" Uh, hi Aerith. I was gonna, um… ask you … something…."

" Oh. Okay. I'm on break right now, so we can talk here if you want."

_Okay, here it goes. Just have confidence_. They smiled at each other and then Cloud decided to give it a try.

" I was wondering if… you know, if your not busy…"

" Yes ?"

Dammit, those eyes! Why did she have to stare at him like that? It was un- nerving. VERY unnerving. He began to stumble over his words, blushing furiously and feeling like an idiot.

" Well- I mean- that is… um…uh… well- er- uh…. Yeah…."

He flushed an even deeper shade when her giggle reached his ears. _I feel so stupid! _Movement off behind a bush to his left caught his attention. Shuyin was waving his hands franticlly trying to gesture random things to him as to what to do. Of course, Cloude was horrible at hand gesture cues, so naturally it made everything worse.

" I- I mean you- no- yeah, me- wait…."

By this time Aerith was looking at him kinda strange. As if she was suppressing a laugh and the urge to run and call the psycho ward. Shuyin's gestures got more and more wild and harder and harder to understand. Cloud wanted to beat him and himself with a tack hammer. _Damn you, just say it already before she leaves! _Cloud was about to try another attempt as well as try to ignore Shuyin in the background when the sound of a whistle sounded in the air and the tennis couch called for all the girls to resume practice.

Needless to say, Cloud felt defeated. Aerith smiled kindly at him and hugged him briefly, both of them exchanging their good byes, before she turned and left to rejoin her team saying that they'll catch up later to talk more. He trudged back to where Shu sat crouched low, head in hands, shaking it back and forth slowly as if to say " I cant believe how pathetic that was." Cloud's shoulders slumped even more. It wasn't his fault! Maybe he should ask some of his friends who were more flamboyant with the women for advice. Like his classmate Zack or Reno. Maybe even that one guy… what did Squall say his name was… Irvine? The Cowboy bop as Vincent put it none to gently as Cloud remembered. Yeah, he didn't like him very much. Disapproved of his slutty nature. But he needed someone suave, with style and class….

His musings were interrupted as Shuyin stood and looked him in the face with that " I pity you" look.

" What?"

" You… are …_Pathetic_."

" Oh, shut up. You weren't much of a help you know."

Shu sighed. " You… are going to take a lot of work."

Cloud chose to ignore him. Who could help him? Maybe his brothers? Yazoo attracted women sure, but Cloud never recalled him ever going on a date with any of them. Too busy with school and studies. Loz… was a pansy. He liked Tifa but was too afraid of her to ask her out. Score one point for Vincent. Kadaj? His younger brother was… speratic with girls. Kinda like Irvine. No, that wouldn't work. Gippal was another man-hore, as Shuyin put it. Zell seemed to repel women as much as he liked hot dogs. That was a lot. Come to think of it, maybe that was why. Rufus was a player, Tseng was a rival for Aerith's affections, Baralai was too shy and busy with classes to really bother, Cid either scared them away or pissed them off, Seifer… was an ass, and Wakka…. Yeah, well.

Shit! He was going to have to find a solution to his problem and soon.

Laguna-Chan: o; sorry the chapter was so short... I still hope you enjoyed all that I put down so far.

Shuyin: Cloud is a pussy.

Laguna-Chan: 0.o Dont say that!

Cloud:...--;

Laguna-Chan: huggles Cloud and strokes his hair Its ok sweetheart, he didnt mean that. Shuyin is just a big bully.

Cloud: TT

Shuyin: Oh, please. Hes a blonde. Stupidity comes naturally to them.

Cloud: struggles in Laguna-Chan's tightening grip. Starts to turn light shade of blue.

Laguna-Chan: Stop being an ass! Your just jealous that hes the main character in the story! Besides your a blond too.

Shuyin: Actually, I dyed my hair. I'm reallya burnett. smirks

Cloud: shade of blue darkens. strugglingstops

Laguna-Chan: dosn't notice...You know, I'm gonna make something horrible happen to you.

Shuyin: eyes Cloud's limp form Um... question: How big are your boobs?

Laguna-Chan: O.O; Why the hell did you ask that, you perv! starts kicking Shuyin in the shins

Shuyin: Ow! I'm not a perv! Its just that Cloud is either dead or dieing right now, no thanks to your evil Boobs of Doom!

Laguna-Chan: in cunfused shock Ah! drops him

Cloud: XPlays there motionless...

Both: poke at him

Cloud:...

Shuyin: Anyways! On with the next chapter!


	5. The Plan set into motion

" You did what?" was what could be heard practically a block away. Shuyin rotated his pinky finger in his ear to help him hear again. Vincent and the others had heard about what had happened from Cloud and some other random classmates and needless to say, Vincent wasn't very happy. After all, they did have a plan and they were supposed to stick to it, god dammit!

" Geez, what the hell, man? You don't have to yell, I'm right here you know!"

Vincent was still fuming and decided that smacking Shu up side the head would only lead to other unwanted disputes. So instead, he opted for going out side to sit on the porch to cool off, having slammed the door with a house-rattling bang behind him. Cloud was sulking in a corner of the living room watching Gundam Wing on the TV with a large bowl of Ben& Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream in possession. He didn't look very happy but rather humiliated and a tad upset. He still hadn't solved his problem from earlier.

" So, what did you do _this_ time?"

Shuyin looked up, startled to see Squall looking at him levelly, his eyes were accusing, as usual, and his face showed distain. So naturally, he smirked in his cocky way and glared right back.

" I took him into the bushes and raped him."

Squall just stared at him, unsure of what to say. Over in the kitchen, Tidus had been making himself a sandwich and had, unfortunatley, walked right into the wrong part of the conversation at the wrong time. He too stood there like an idiot, trying to get his brain to function and process what had just been said. Cloud was to absorbed into his program to have heard. After the stunned silence got a little too awkward it finally clicked for Tidus, and his face was one of disgust.

" Eww!"

" I'm kidding, stupid ass. God, I'm not that desperate! Besides, if I had the urge, Lenne would suit all my needs."

" Except the fact that she swore chastity until marriage."

Shuyin shot Squall a look that said 'shut up and stop correcting me before I go bad on you' and turned his attention back to a very flushed Tidus. Shuyin's smirk returned.

" Oh, that's right! I'm sorry, I forgot that you're still a virgin!"

Tidus, breaking out of his dazed state, was quick to retort to that one.

" So! You say it like it's a bad thing! And, incase you forgot, Squall is right. So are you!"

Feeling triumphant, Tidus stuck his tongue out at Shuyin who did it right back. Squall rolled his eyes at their immaturity. Instead of watching the two have their little battle, he turned and decided to join Cloud in the living room for some R&R of his own.

Later that night, Cloud was in the study room doing his homework and the others were, yet again, plotting his doom.

" Okay, now no stupid stuff this time and I mean it! We don't want this to turn into a freak drama show!"

Vincent cast a sidelong glance at Shuyin who shrugged it off casually as if he had no idea what he was talking about. Vince found himself, once again, resisting the urge to smack him. So instead, Squall did it for him.

" Ahhhh! What was that for?" He asked irritated, as he rubbed his head. Squall shushed him so as not to alert Cloud of their scheming.

" Shh! Shut up and pay attention would you? After all, you started this, so if you wanna see it through, then shape up and get your ass in gear, alright?"

Shuyin reluctantly mumble an agreement. Vincent hid a smile and cleared his throat so he could continue.

" Thank you, Squall. Now then, everyone remembers the plan?"

All three nodded.

" Good. Now make sure that you're not directly involved, or things could get a bit outta hand. Your only there to provide him with advice and encouragement, all right? This is your mission. Do you get me?"

The others nodded and then they all went their own ways. Squall took to the shower, Tidus to the kitchen (again?), Shuyin went out on the porch to talk with Lenne, and Vince decided to check up on Cloud. Upon entering the study room, he was greeted by Cloud who had stopped to stretch.

" How's it going?"

Cloud relaxed and sat back into his chair and smiled lazily.

" Fine. I'm done actually, so now I have some free time before bed. Will you guys be sleeping over again?"

Vincent recalled what happened the last time they did and shuddered. Cloud laughed for he recalled it too. Vince gave in and chuckled with him then he politely declined.

" Sorry Cloud, but I don't think I could go through another night like that one and keep what little of my sanity I have left _and_ not kill someone."

Cloud laughed again. How true was that? He completely understood and didn't blame him. With Shuyin and Tidus in the same place at the same time, under the same _roof_ was a bad combination. Shuyin didn't hate Tidus. He just picked on him because he saw him as a little brother of sorts. It was just his way of showing that he cared.

" Hey, jack ass, that's mine!"

" Oh really? Didn't see your name on it."

" Give it back, dammit, I'm hungry!"

" So what else is new?"

" Gimme gimme gimme!"

" Nah, I think I'll just eat it myself."

" No way, you bastard! If you're hungry, go make your own!"

" What's the matter short-shit, can't reach?"

Speak of the devils. Cloud and Vincent sweat dropped as they continued to listen to the squabble out in the dinning room.

" Why are you being such an ass hole? Give me back my sandwich!"

" I don't think so, sorry! If ya want it, ya have to get it!"

" That's it! I'll give you three seconds before I kick your ass!"

" Yeah right! Your just looking for a reason to touch my ass, you twisted little moogle lover!"

**SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!**

"That's it! I had enough of your undisputed love affair! Now shutSMACK up SMACK and SMACKtry to get along for more then two seconds! And if I hear another word- I swear to Hyne- I'll kill you! And for heaven's sake, give the moogle lover back his sandwich!"

Cloud and Vincent found themselves suppressing laughter as the two blonds faced a very irritated Squall. The red marks on their faces would be evidence of the punishment resulting from their childishness. Squall could only take so much bull shit after all.

A few days later, the Plan was put into motion. Vincent had called his girl friend Tifa and asked if she could give Aerith a call.

" What for? Is there something you want me to tell her?"

" Well… just tell her that Cloud needs a ride to the grocery store."

" What? Why can't you take him?"

" No, you don't understand. It has to be Aerith because… uh, well, because they- he needs to talk to her."

" Then why didn't he call her?"

God, women and their questions!

" He would have if he hadn't of forgotten her number."

" Oh, well in that case, do you have a pen-?"

" So you'll call her-great-thanks-love you-bye!"

And with that, Vincent hung up hastily, cutting off Tifa on the other end of the line. God was he going to hear about that later…. But, on a brighter note, this was where the fun starts. He gave thumbs up to his three companions in the back yard. They nodded their acknowledgment and started the Plan. First, it was Shuyin's part of the Plan. Hopefully, it wouldn't end in utter chaos.

Cloud came into the living room, wearing blue jeans, a dark indigo blue button up shirt, and sneakers. He looked at Vincent, who eyed him, oddly, wondering why he was looking at him like that. Fidgeting uncomfortably, Cloud asked,

" So are we ready to go?"

Vincent thought of an excuse quickly.

" Sorry, there's been a change in plans. I can't take you, little low on gas. But! I got a call from Aerith and she said that she would be happy to give you a ride to the store!"

Cloud looked a little on the pale side, and then there was the sound of a car out front then the honk of a horn.

"Oh! Guess who's here!'

If Cloud had been pale before, then he was absolutely white now. Before he could protest, however, he found himself pushed out side, the door slammed and locked behind him.

" Okay, Strify-boy! Lets see how well you do when on a different kind of battle field."

Chuckling evilly to himself, Shuyin wrung his hands together gleefully at what was yet to come.

Laguna-Chan: Sorry if it's a little slow and doesn't really seem to be going anywhere.

Vincent: (looks at unconscious Cloud) Umm…..

Shuyin: (laughs evilly)

Squall: What ever. Don't you have something to say Laguna-Chan?

Laguna-Chan: (stares stupidly)

Squall: To a certain group of people?

Laguna-Chan: Um ….I love you guys?

Squall: No, the other group of people.

Laguna-Chan:….Oh! Yeah! I want to thank all my reviewers out there! Thank you so much for all the positive feed back! o Hugs for all of you!( hugs reviewers)

Tidus: I want hugs too!( gets chased by rabid fan-girls and gets glomped to death)

Vincent: 0.o;

Squall: What ever.

Shuyin: (Laughs like an insane idiot)

Cloud: XP

Laguna-Chan:…. Anyways, hope you guys like my stories! And trust me, this story will get better, I promise, so hang in there!

Tifa: There you are!

Vincent: O.O;-Eeep!

Tifa: (grabs Vincent by ear and drags him away yelling about being rude and hanging up on people)

Random fan-boy: OMG! Tifa-muffin! I love you! (Chases her)

All: sweat drop

Squall: What ever.

Shuyin: God that's annoying.

Squall:(glares at him)

Laguna-Chan: Now now, behave boys. You especially, Shu. I'm still gonna make something bad happen to you for last time!

Shuyin: Ooooh I'm scared.

Squall: You should be…. I am.

Another random fan-boy attempts to chase Tifa and Laguna-Chan sees him: Ahh! No! Bad! Bad random fan-boy! No Tifa for you! (Beats him with broom) Back! Back I say! Back to the pit from wince you came!

Squall: --; whatever.

Shuyin: next chapie!


End file.
